Day3

It feels like I have been here forever. These past few days have been filled with too much information. It is important to know these things. To know how these women are addressing the issues that are plaguing their communities gives me a better understanding on how we can alleviate some of the burden. At times I feel it is a mere fraction or sliver in which we will be impacting, but all those fractions have to add up to something. Sometimes I feel that I need to do everything in one day. Those days are filled with frustration, anger, sadness and anxiety. I have to remember to take things a day at a time; a person at a time; a piece of bread at a time…otherwise… otherwise I will implode from all the work that needs to be done. I feel at times the burden of this world is on my shoulders, but then I remember all those people out there that feel the same way I do, that want to help, that have faith that something can be done. When I remember these things, I feel somewhat better and that I am not alone. It is so easy to slip into a hole and get depressed about the conditions of the world. That is why I focus. I try to focus on things that will make a difference, even if it with just one child. That one child can bring it to another child and so on and what, what, what (as they say here in Namibia). Today was the first day I actually was exposed to the informal settlements here in Haukahana. Yes, I went to Martha’s house, but as much as that is in the settlements, I was sheltered away in her house. Today we drove through and stopped when we saw a group of children. Imagine a sea of hills and these hills are all filled with tin houses no bigger than your average room in your house. These tin “shacks” house families, your mother, your child, your sister, your nephew. The aroma that filled the truck was of urine and feces. There are no fancy toilets (you are lucky if you have a hole in the ground to yourself). People pee and defecate outside in the open and as we were driving through, a truck ahead of us was dumping water on the road. I asked why and Christa said so that the dust wouldn’t kick up, but I suspect to wash away and cleanse some of the smell from the air.
The constant theme of extreme polarization between the worlds I see is filling my brain throughout the day. And what is even worse and complicates it even more is the issue of race. I don’t think I will ever alleviate this issue, I believe it will always be something in my mind until the day I die. The fact—which is even more apparent here than it is in the United States—that I am a white woman carries so many connotations along with it. Even more so is my identity as an American. To be American means you have things, even though you may not. The mere fact you reside on this piece of land is a privilege and with that privilege comes the responsibility to help. Many people think that because you are a part of such society that you are rich and that it is your duty to give. But even more so is that fact that you are white. Here Namibia and even South Africa where the remnants of apartheid are as strong as the day that it was so called outlawed, to be White means you have money. Its little observations that solidify this thought. The fact that when Annie and I decide to go out to eat we are surrounded by white folks, the fact that the house we stay in is taken care of by black folks, and the residents are all foreign visitors who are white. Sometimes I feel like I look way too much into this issue, but how can I when the signs are so blatantly obvious, so right in my face. And it’s not like this just here, its like this in the US, just take a look around-all it takes is a little observation and you will see it. Look at the attitudes of people, look at who shops are your super market, who goes to your movie theatres, who eats at certain types of restaurants, who drives certain cars. It’s a harsh reality that many people refuse to accept, but it is there.
That is what I see.
The fact of the matter is this world is small if you really think about it. When I drive through the settlements I see the same disparities that exist in the US. Of course we are in different parts of the world, with different conditions. But when you strip all of those circumstances away, it remains that people are suffering. Furthermore, what remains is the fact that we have two separate worlds. One filled with privilege and the other with disadvantage and as much as you reiterate the argument about merit: “if you work hard, you will be rewarded”, that can only take you so far. I see people work so hard and so hard, but continue to be left in the dust.
Without going off on a rant, I want to convey that what I see here is harsh. It is heartbreaking. But then I meet two women, Christa and Abigail, who are trying so hard to do something about these conditions and it makes me have hope. I can sit here and worry about every little problem of this world, even more so I can sit here and cry over the fact that thousands of children in the settlements will go hungry tonight, but I can wipe those tears and remind myself to focus on something tangible, something that will make a difference and that is where these two women come in. These past two days I have had a chance to finally meet these extraordinary women and hear what they are doing. There is so much to be done and we could go on days and days discussing what to do. But these women have said many amazing things that have made me think even more and have actually gotten me to focus more of my energy in something that can produce results as opposed to just throwing around my resources and hoping for the best. Abigail has suggested taking 20 children, who at this point are on no assistance ( in the past year she has had a generous Italian donor come forward and sponsor around 200 kids). Along with fixing up some things around FHS, putting a door and locks on the office, she proposed that we focus on these children so that we can see actual results in the years to come. To sponsor kids from grade 4 to say grade 12 is amazing. TO provide them with school fees, uniforms, food parcels, hygiene baskets and water cards would be the most productive way to go about things, as opposed to throwing our money into FHS. Which too, would still be a good thing to do and would be workable, but in this way, we can actually see these kids grow, to know their home lives and to map their progress over the years. In this way, the results can be seen and we can watch these kids grow. More so, Annie brought some letters with her from a 3rd grade class in the US and to set up a pen-pal systems over the years can create a better understanding, on both ends, about this world. I mean did you know about some children in Namibia in 3rd grade? It is amazing and I truly think that this will be very successful. This to me seems more workable than to just throw the money into FHS, because at this point FHS is receiving a lot of funding not only from the “Italian program”, but also from a few government programs. Of course even though they are receiving this funding, much work still needs to be done and it is my hope that little things will be addressed to make this a solid program. Abigail is trying her hardest to make this a transparent and accountable program and I can see it with my own eyes that things are starting to take shape and come together. The Saturday before Easter, when all the children of the community come to FHS, we will be having an Easter egg hunt along with many other activities and a great meal. I have a feeling this is going to be very joyous and happy occasion. At this point we will be able to meet the 20 or so children we will be helping as well as meet their families. I will for sure be videotaping this experience for it is a once in a life time opportunity! To top it off, we will be profiling these children by taking their pictures and having then write letters and telling us about their home lives, favorite things and school subjects, etc… That is what we have so far with Abigail. She said something that hit me and sparked many thoughts in my brain. She said something to the effect that if you want to really see progress and change you need to give things to the children. If you give things to the parents you can never guarantee that things will trickle down to the kids or that it will be allocated as well as saved as it should be. She spoke about how children have a better sense of what is needed and will give you truthful answers when you ask then such questions. Another point she brought up that makes a lot of sense is the idea that many people that live in poverty here don’t look to tomorrow. They focus on today, because tomorrow may never come, especially if they are sick. So when you give them things such as money or food, it is hard for them to save and think about the future. So she is holding a workshop in the coming weeks for families to attend that teaches skills in saving and budgeting. TO know how to allocate funds or foods, to learn how to generate income and actually have some sort of savings so that they can plan for the future is an important skill and that is what she intends to convey through such a workshop. It is a valuable tool and I really hope that someone gets something out of it! There are so many things that Abigail is bringing to the community and she is really trying to build a working system that can sustain the future generations. I agree with her that it is important to reach and educate the children so that in things can be better in the coming days.
On to Christa. Today we went to the land where she intends to build Mt. Sinai. To think that she started this in a cupboard in the hospital, where it was moved to her house and now to this gorgeous building that consists of so many amazing rooms and facilities is truly a blessing. I saw the plans of the building today and it is very, very impressive. On the 14th, she is going to have her monthly pick ups, where they mothers and their children come get the parcels and formula and for check ups and things like that. Of course she is constanly checking on all the mother and children. Her son, Sam who is my age is amazing for he actually picks up these women and their children because it is too far of a walk for them to visit her. He is truly a blessing and I can tell that he has a great heart and helps her a lot. Tomorrow we are meeting with the bishop of her church so that we can discuss when we can break ground and finally get things started. She needs to get bins to put the materials in so that people don’t steal any of the stuff. It is our hope that before we go we will see some actual building being done. Again, the progress I see and the fact that it would be superb if we could just work straight through the weekend and get this building up. But, of course, I have to remind my self, one brick at a time. I am excited to get things started with her and to actually be able to meet the women and children that make use of her program. Like Abigail, her logistics are in order and it is just the time and money that is needed to put everything in together. One day, I have faith, that it will happen and hopefully if I return a year from now I will be able to walk into Mt. Sinai center and see all the wonderful work she has accomplished over the year. I get way excited thinking about it!
SO that is what we have been up to the past few days at the very least. My eyes have seen so much, my ears have heard many things and I continue to be overwhelmed by all the work that these two women are constantly doing in their communities on a day to day basis. Both of them have said they rarely have time to themselves, yet I see it in their eyes that their hearts wouldn’t settle for anything less. They are such astonishing women and I am blessed to be a part of their efforts!
To top all of this off, I got to go see my mother that I stayed with in Katutura the last time I was studying here. It was wonderful to see her again and she was so shocked and surprised to see me in her house once again. Oh and what a beautiful house it has become. She is such an amazing women, she refused to settle for the second best furniture when I was there, so we sat in plastic chairs. This time it was filled with furniture and her walls were decorated with the gorgeous tile. Ahh! It was soo good to see her. I told her I had been here about 4 days and she said “why didn’t you come home?” I think I am going to stay with her soon for a couple days or even for a week, she is just such a strong woman and we had great conversations when I stayed with her. So I am very excited to reunite with her and discuss the past years. I have a feeling a lot has happened.